I've just tried to welcome someone else to our site, and the damn thing has posted me as a follower of my own site, and I don't know how to get it to stop.
Maybe, I am out of my depth? What say you, Trix?
Help!!!!
Thursday 31 December 2009
Happy New Year - Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism
Just be safe.
Then, be here.
I love you all. I'm not as cantankerous and crusty as I seem. If we were all together, we'd have a hell of a party tonight!! I would most definitely be the Court Jester. After all, I have to do it all again tonight. It's what I do. Shit!
Pip xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Then, be here.
I love you all. I'm not as cantankerous and crusty as I seem. If we were all together, we'd have a hell of a party tonight!! I would most definitely be the Court Jester. After all, I have to do it all again tonight. It's what I do. Shit!
Pip xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday 30 December 2009
My Perfect Cousin - Baclofen, Curing Our Alcoholism
Now, team, there is absolutely no point in you reading on unless you watch this. It just won't make sense.
It's the Undertones with "My Perfect Cousin"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNu44Rtev2E
If you don't listen to the words, none of this will make sense, if any of it ever does.
My cousin visited today, somewhat unannounced. He is the son of my aunt who died recently. He lives 6 hours drive away, and we hardly ever see each other now. We were totally inseperable until we both went to university.
He can see that I am not what I was. I can see that he is doing OK as an eminent medical microbiologist. He was always in awe of me (he told me today). I am now in awe of him (I told him today).
I played him this video. We couldn't work out who was who. We guessed that the dynamic just might have reversed, although we didn't quite word it like that! But, boy, did we laugh.
You must all have brothers, sisters, cousins. Can you work it out?
Hope that made sense.
Pip xxxxxxxx
I think that I might start posting these on MWO, you know!!!!!!
It's the Undertones with "My Perfect Cousin"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNu44Rtev2E
If you don't listen to the words, none of this will make sense, if any of it ever does.
My cousin visited today, somewhat unannounced. He is the son of my aunt who died recently. He lives 6 hours drive away, and we hardly ever see each other now. We were totally inseperable until we both went to university.
He can see that I am not what I was. I can see that he is doing OK as an eminent medical microbiologist. He was always in awe of me (he told me today). I am now in awe of him (I told him today).
I played him this video. We couldn't work out who was who. We guessed that the dynamic just might have reversed, although we didn't quite word it like that! But, boy, did we laugh.
You must all have brothers, sisters, cousins. Can you work it out?
Hope that made sense.
Pip xxxxxxxx
I think that I might start posting these on MWO, you know!!!!!!
Tuesday 29 December 2009
The Hotel California - Baclofen, Curing Our Alcoholism
A slight change of tack for the New Year. I know that only MaryAnne, God bless her, ever looks at the Song For The Day that I put on my Baclofen Diary. But the "Eminence Front" made me realise how many songs are written by, and for, people like you and me. And the important messages they may hold. After all, they are often written by highly intelligent, creative, motivated, otherwise successful tortured souls. Does that ring a bell with any of you?
So, as the mood or my mojo takes me (Ha!! - you would have to know me personally to know how ridiculous and tongue in cheek that is!!), I will use songs as the basis for my TFTD.
Today's is obviously not precisely to do with alcoholism. It goes much deeper than mere booze. But I use it as a metaphor for us, if a very diluted one!!
Welcome to the Hotel California. You can check out any time you like,
but you can never leave.
Many would have us believe that we are entombed in a problem from which we cannot escape. If, we're lucky and strong and supported we might, just might, come to terms with our entrapment. If so,, then we might, just might, live fruitful lives, doing as little harm to those around us as possible.
Many others just think that we're all kidding ourselves and that self-destruction is our inevitable path (be it tragically unfortunate and pre-ordained, or pathetically self-inflicted). To quote the song "we're just prisoners here of our own device".
Are they right? Don't bet on it. I don't believe that they are. I believe that we can escape.
Much on MWO is talked about our 'switch'. Personally, I see it these terms. It's probably just semantics and pedantics. But, after all, I'm a drunk. We're very good at both of those, especially when we're sober!!
I see my 'switch' as being the realisation of my persoanlity problems. It was that that put me in an alcohol cell. With knowledge of the 'switch' comes the 'key'. The 'key' out of my own cell is Baclofen. And that key is bigger or smaller for each of us. Others may need a different key. But our own switch never changes.
That's how I see it, and it works for me. Baclofen stops those voices calling from far away, waking me up in the middle of the night, just to hear them say......
So, don't put any more Pink Champagne on ice for my benefit!!!
I know that you won't (well, except MaryAnne!), but please now watch this amazingly special version of Hotel California. It is so fantastic. I couldn't believe it when I found it. MA thinks that Mr Clapton is a great guitarist. Personally I don't and never have. Just watch any of his videos. Think how good he could've been if he ever used the little finger of his left hand, except when playing chords. Just look at Joe Walsh and Glenn Frey on this version of Hotel California. Now, these chaps CAN play.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8Xo3xJkpP8
Let me know what you think about my TFTD.
Pip xx
So, as the mood or my mojo takes me (Ha!! - you would have to know me personally to know how ridiculous and tongue in cheek that is!!), I will use songs as the basis for my TFTD.
Today's is obviously not precisely to do with alcoholism. It goes much deeper than mere booze. But I use it as a metaphor for us, if a very diluted one!!
Welcome to the Hotel California. You can check out any time you like,
but you can never leave.
Many would have us believe that we are entombed in a problem from which we cannot escape. If, we're lucky and strong and supported we might, just might, come to terms with our entrapment. If so,, then we might, just might, live fruitful lives, doing as little harm to those around us as possible.
Many others just think that we're all kidding ourselves and that self-destruction is our inevitable path (be it tragically unfortunate and pre-ordained, or pathetically self-inflicted). To quote the song "we're just prisoners here of our own device".
Are they right? Don't bet on it. I don't believe that they are. I believe that we can escape.
Much on MWO is talked about our 'switch'. Personally, I see it these terms. It's probably just semantics and pedantics. But, after all, I'm a drunk. We're very good at both of those, especially when we're sober!!
I see my 'switch' as being the realisation of my persoanlity problems. It was that that put me in an alcohol cell. With knowledge of the 'switch' comes the 'key'. The 'key' out of my own cell is Baclofen. And that key is bigger or smaller for each of us. Others may need a different key. But our own switch never changes.
That's how I see it, and it works for me. Baclofen stops those voices calling from far away, waking me up in the middle of the night, just to hear them say......
So, don't put any more Pink Champagne on ice for my benefit!!!
I know that you won't (well, except MaryAnne!), but please now watch this amazingly special version of Hotel California. It is so fantastic. I couldn't believe it when I found it. MA thinks that Mr Clapton is a great guitarist. Personally I don't and never have. Just watch any of his videos. Think how good he could've been if he ever used the little finger of his left hand, except when playing chords. Just look at Joe Walsh and Glenn Frey on this version of Hotel California. Now, these chaps CAN play.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8Xo3xJkpP8
Let me know what you think about my TFTD.
Pip xx
Monday 28 December 2009
An Eminence Front - Baclofen, Curing Our Alcoholism
The very first time I heard this song by The Who, was live, and the riff simply blew me away. So unlike The Who that I had grown up with from the late sixties, through Tommy and Quadraphenia. Much more funky. I woke up this morning with this song just buzzing thought my head, so I decided to put is as SFTD on my Diary. You can get the link on today's Baclofen Diary entry. Trying to find a really good version on YouTube, it made me listen to the lyrics properly for probably the first time ever.
Well I know it was for the first time ever.
Pete Townsend is one of us. He has very well documented problems with alcohol and drugs. One of his other songs “Behind Blue Eyes” totally resonates with me, and I shall have that as my SFTD another time.
I don’t want to get into the habit of posting lots of boring old lyrics. So, forgive me a few minor indiscretions. I’ve missed out some verses, and rearranged them just a little.
How clever is that?
An eminence front that some of us put on because we are hiding. I know that I do. I have done for years. And I have forgotten so many really great things in my life.
The unfortunate thing is that the problem isn't out there. Something that we can avoid simply by putting up an eminence front and hope to hide behind. When we build our wall or front, we simple serve to lock the problem in with us.
However, notwithstanding that, I’ve just joined Mr Townsend’s not so exclusive club, and am joining the party. I can't promise being dressed to kill, though. He might have meant something totally different in this song, but that is what I have taken from it.
It's terribly sad to think of how many us try to join the party only to find that everybody else has already left. They all had a really great time - especially when we weren't there. Unless when we were there, we were nice, and kind, and smiling, and funny, and entertaining, and safe, and reliable, and very loveable. All the things that we often are underneath. Oh, I nearly forgot. And sober. I am told repeatedly that I am all those things in abundance when I am sober. I bet all of you lot are too.
I hope it's not too late for all of us to join the party. Baclofen will make that happen for so many of us this year.
I wouldn't presume to add to Pete Townsend's beautiful song.
Except, perhaps, with a verse or two of my own.
Take care and may your God go with you.
Pip xx
Well I know it was for the first time ever.
Pete Townsend is one of us. He has very well documented problems with alcohol and drugs. One of his other songs “Behind Blue Eyes” totally resonates with me, and I shall have that as my SFTD another time.
I don’t want to get into the habit of posting lots of boring old lyrics. So, forgive me a few minor indiscretions. I’ve missed out some verses, and rearranged them just a little.
The sun shines
And people forget
The girls smile
And people forget
Forget they're hiding
Behind an eminence front
An Eminence Front - It's a put on.
Come on join the party
Dress to kill
Won't you come and join the party
Dress to kill.
The drinks flow
People forget
That big wheel spins, the hair thins
People forget
Forget they're hiding
Behind an eminence front
An Eminence Front - it's a put on
How clever is that?
An eminence front that some of us put on because we are hiding. I know that I do. I have done for years. And I have forgotten so many really great things in my life.
The unfortunate thing is that the problem isn't out there. Something that we can avoid simply by putting up an eminence front and hope to hide behind. When we build our wall or front, we simple serve to lock the problem in with us.
However, notwithstanding that, I’ve just joined Mr Townsend’s not so exclusive club, and am joining the party. I can't promise being dressed to kill, though. He might have meant something totally different in this song, but that is what I have taken from it.
It's terribly sad to think of how many us try to join the party only to find that everybody else has already left. They all had a really great time - especially when we weren't there. Unless when we were there, we were nice, and kind, and smiling, and funny, and entertaining, and safe, and reliable, and very loveable. All the things that we often are underneath. Oh, I nearly forgot. And sober. I am told repeatedly that I am all those things in abundance when I am sober. I bet all of you lot are too.
I hope it's not too late for all of us to join the party. Baclofen will make that happen for so many of us this year.
I wouldn't presume to add to Pete Townsend's beautiful song.
Except, perhaps, with a verse or two of my own.
Your wife cries
And drunk men forget
Your girl laughs
And drunk me forget
Your boys smile
And drunk me forget
Your mother loves
And drunk me forget
Forget they’re hiding
Behind an eminence front
An Eminence Front - It's a put on.
Take care and may your God go with you.
Pip xx
Tuesday 22 December 2009
An Alcoholic's Plea - Baclofen, Curing Our Alcoholism
After two weeks of abject terror and crap, I think that I should feel the need to say a lot. But, do you know, I just don’t.
There is an old Swedish proverb, and I’m sure that it looses something in my own particular translation, that says
“Please love me when I least deserve it. Because it is then that I really need you the most.”
What more can I say?
Well, there is one more thing.
Cream rises.
I know what I mean, and that is all that counts. To me.
It is selfish, I know. But alcoholism can be a most selfish disease.
It is awful, I know. But alcoholism can be a most awful disease.
Are we sometimes pathetic? Probably. I know, because alcoholism can be a most pathetic disease.
But that is no excuse for cream not to rise. Maybe, for some close to me, I have 'gone off'; perhaps I'm well beyond my 'sell by date'.
If so, that would be a shame. For them.
As they say, beauty is in the eye of the 'beer holder'.
I sincerely hope that that made sense.
Pip xx
There is an old Swedish proverb, and I’m sure that it looses something in my own particular translation, that says
“Please love me when I least deserve it. Because it is then that I really need you the most.”
What more can I say?
Well, there is one more thing.
Cream rises.
I know what I mean, and that is all that counts. To me.
It is selfish, I know. But alcoholism can be a most selfish disease.
It is awful, I know. But alcoholism can be a most awful disease.
Are we sometimes pathetic? Probably. I know, because alcoholism can be a most pathetic disease.
But that is no excuse for cream not to rise. Maybe, for some close to me, I have 'gone off'; perhaps I'm well beyond my 'sell by date'.
If so, that would be a shame. For them.
As they say, beauty is in the eye of the 'beer holder'.
I sincerely hope that that made sense.
Pip xx
Monday 21 December 2009
Polypharmacy - Chasing the Baclofen Dragon - Baclofen, Curing our Alcoholism
The following definition is taken from Wikipedia
“The term polypharmacy generally refers to the use of multiple medications by a patient. The term is used when too many forms of medication are used by a patient, when more drugs are prescribed than is clinically warranted, or even when all prescribed medications are clinically indicated but there are too many pills to take (pill burden). Furthermore, a portion of the treatments may not be evidence-based. The most common results of polypharmacy are increased adverse drug reactions, drug-drug interactions and higher costs. Polypharmacy is most common in the elderly but is also widespread in the general population.”
On the B 4 a web site, there is a new section called All About Baclofen, in which all the previous discussions about various aspects of Baclofen are brought together. To them, I am adding a section on polypharmacy. It is an issue dear to my heart for two very distinct reasons.
The first one is that I am currently suffering the consequences of it; what with all the vomiting, itching, sweating et al, and now the “ELP” (see the Baclofen Diaries). “Can’t you take something for the vomiting?” I have been asked often. Well, I could, but that might make something else worse. Or something new develop.
Secondly, and much more apposite, in a previous life, polypharmacy was one of my hobby-horses. Most surgeons find that the average age of their patients is getting higher and higher. One of my colleagues jokes that he is now a “Geriatric Surgeon”, rather than a General Surgeon. Many of these patients come into hospital with almost suitcases of medications that they are taking at home. When questioned properly about their symptoms and medications (which I always did, but which few others seem to), the following pattern was oft repeated –
“When I was at the hospital, Dr Clever (my consultant) gave me drug A. Then I got symptom Z. I went to my GP, Dr Smith, who gave me drug B. That gave me symptom Y. So, I went back to the surgery, and saw a different GP, Dr Jones. He prescribed drug C. But that only gave me symptom X. When I went back to the hospital, I saw a junior doctor, can’t remember his name, nice man though, who ordered some X-Rays. They were normal, so he gave me drug D. That made me develop Horrid Syndrome, which apparently occurs if you take drug D with drug B. When I finally saw Dr Clever again, he stopped drugs B, C and D, and just reduced the dose of drug A, and apologised to me for the unnecessary X-Rays. I’m fine now.”
I think that that messy paragraph describes the point perfectly. But what is the real point here? Why am I bringing it up now?
The vitally important point is that with high dose (often very high dose) Baclofen being taken by such large numbers of us, we are in somewhat uncharted territory. Further, many of us also:
• Are self diagnosing, self-prescribing, self-dispensing, self-monitoring
• Are taking other anti-alcoholism medications alongside Baclofen
• Have other psychological, if not psychiatric, problems for which we may be prescribed powerful “brain chemistry altering” medications
• Are on other medications for other unrelated medical conditions
• Are not eating properly
• Are not sleeping properly
• Are, perhaps most importantly, still drinking
• And keeping the fact that we are taking high dose Baclofen secret from our doctors looking after all the other stuff
Consequently, we are each of us potentially concocting our own version of Baclofenestrone Soup, each with its own distinct recipe and unique effects. A recipe previously unknown within the annals of medical / pharmaceutical cookery. So individual to you that you may be first to add it to the books. God help you.
I’m not scare-mongering; I am merely highlighting an important issue, and asking you all to be very careful.
I hope that made sense.
Take care of yourselves.
Pip xx
“The term polypharmacy generally refers to the use of multiple medications by a patient. The term is used when too many forms of medication are used by a patient, when more drugs are prescribed than is clinically warranted, or even when all prescribed medications are clinically indicated but there are too many pills to take (pill burden). Furthermore, a portion of the treatments may not be evidence-based. The most common results of polypharmacy are increased adverse drug reactions, drug-drug interactions and higher costs. Polypharmacy is most common in the elderly but is also widespread in the general population.”
On the B 4 a web site, there is a new section called All About Baclofen, in which all the previous discussions about various aspects of Baclofen are brought together. To them, I am adding a section on polypharmacy. It is an issue dear to my heart for two very distinct reasons.
The first one is that I am currently suffering the consequences of it; what with all the vomiting, itching, sweating et al, and now the “ELP” (see the Baclofen Diaries). “Can’t you take something for the vomiting?” I have been asked often. Well, I could, but that might make something else worse. Or something new develop.
Secondly, and much more apposite, in a previous life, polypharmacy was one of my hobby-horses. Most surgeons find that the average age of their patients is getting higher and higher. One of my colleagues jokes that he is now a “Geriatric Surgeon”, rather than a General Surgeon. Many of these patients come into hospital with almost suitcases of medications that they are taking at home. When questioned properly about their symptoms and medications (which I always did, but which few others seem to), the following pattern was oft repeated –
“When I was at the hospital, Dr Clever (my consultant) gave me drug A. Then I got symptom Z. I went to my GP, Dr Smith, who gave me drug B. That gave me symptom Y. So, I went back to the surgery, and saw a different GP, Dr Jones. He prescribed drug C. But that only gave me symptom X. When I went back to the hospital, I saw a junior doctor, can’t remember his name, nice man though, who ordered some X-Rays. They were normal, so he gave me drug D. That made me develop Horrid Syndrome, which apparently occurs if you take drug D with drug B. When I finally saw Dr Clever again, he stopped drugs B, C and D, and just reduced the dose of drug A, and apologised to me for the unnecessary X-Rays. I’m fine now.”
I think that that messy paragraph describes the point perfectly. But what is the real point here? Why am I bringing it up now?
The vitally important point is that with high dose (often very high dose) Baclofen being taken by such large numbers of us, we are in somewhat uncharted territory. Further, many of us also:
• Are self diagnosing, self-prescribing, self-dispensing, self-monitoring
• Are taking other anti-alcoholism medications alongside Baclofen
• Have other psychological, if not psychiatric, problems for which we may be prescribed powerful “brain chemistry altering” medications
• Are on other medications for other unrelated medical conditions
• Are not eating properly
• Are not sleeping properly
• Are, perhaps most importantly, still drinking
• And keeping the fact that we are taking high dose Baclofen secret from our doctors looking after all the other stuff
Consequently, we are each of us potentially concocting our own version of Baclofenestrone Soup, each with its own distinct recipe and unique effects. A recipe previously unknown within the annals of medical / pharmaceutical cookery. So individual to you that you may be first to add it to the books. God help you.
I’m not scare-mongering; I am merely highlighting an important issue, and asking you all to be very careful.
I hope that made sense.
Take care of yourselves.
Pip xx
Sunday 20 December 2009
The Physiology of Optimism - Baclofen, Curing our Alcoholism
"You've only got three months to live".
"Your prognosis is under six months".
"Only 25% of patients survive one year".
I wonder how many times those sentiments become self-fulfilling prophesies. In actual fact, these days, doctors pontificate in this way less and less. But, as I sit here vomiting, itching, sweating, tired and scared, these things begin to occupy my overactive imagination.
Neuroimmunology and psychoimmunology are sciences that I had absolutely no exposure to when I was at medical school in the early 80's. But the effects of the 'nervous system' in its wides sense on the body's ability to deal with physical lesions and illness are becoming increasingly recognised and even quantifiable.
It is clear that the power of a doctor's prognosis, if articulated powerfully enough may well set in train an inexorable bodily process that almost ensures that the outcome matches that prognosis.
In which case, might not the opposite be possible? What if dire prognoses are ditched, simply to be replaced by more comforting, hope giving, brighter sentiments? Might this, too, result in measureable, quantifiable physiological effects, with (hopefully) beneficial outcomes for all concerned? It appears so.
So, as I sit here in the middle of the night, in my underpants, wondering why someone so tired cannot get to sleep, I have decided upon altering my body's physiology from within.
I'm going to adopt the Physiology of Optimism. I'm off back to bed now to try and get enough rest to throw myself into that changing process first thing in the morning.
I'm sure none of that made any sense at all.
May your God look down favourably upon us all.
Pip xx
"Your prognosis is under six months".
"Only 25% of patients survive one year".
I wonder how many times those sentiments become self-fulfilling prophesies. In actual fact, these days, doctors pontificate in this way less and less. But, as I sit here vomiting, itching, sweating, tired and scared, these things begin to occupy my overactive imagination.
Neuroimmunology and psychoimmunology are sciences that I had absolutely no exposure to when I was at medical school in the early 80's. But the effects of the 'nervous system' in its wides sense on the body's ability to deal with physical lesions and illness are becoming increasingly recognised and even quantifiable.
It is clear that the power of a doctor's prognosis, if articulated powerfully enough may well set in train an inexorable bodily process that almost ensures that the outcome matches that prognosis.
In which case, might not the opposite be possible? What if dire prognoses are ditched, simply to be replaced by more comforting, hope giving, brighter sentiments? Might this, too, result in measureable, quantifiable physiological effects, with (hopefully) beneficial outcomes for all concerned? It appears so.
So, as I sit here in the middle of the night, in my underpants, wondering why someone so tired cannot get to sleep, I have decided upon altering my body's physiology from within.
I'm going to adopt the Physiology of Optimism. I'm off back to bed now to try and get enough rest to throw myself into that changing process first thing in the morning.
I'm sure none of that made any sense at all.
May your God look down favourably upon us all.
Pip xx
Friday 18 December 2009
The Uninvited Guest - Baclofen, Curing Our Alcoholism
Hi everyone.
Sorry that there was no TFTD or Diary entry yesterday. I have explained why in the Diary.
To be honest, my thoughts have not been particularly constructive over the last 48 hours. A heady brew of shit scared, frustrated, anger with the medics, anger with myself.
So, today to make my job a little easier, and hopefully to give you a little treat, I have decided to give you all a little taste of The Uninvited Guest. This would have been the last chapter, but in the light of recent events, there is going to be a new one, which I am working on now. There are other parts of the book still to complete, but this new last chapter is being written contemporaneously, real time, as it were.
The chapter is called "Healing my Family". I feel that it is beholden upon us all to recognise the enormous disruption that we cause to those around us and try to put it right. This chapter provides my road map for that. I was doing so well at it until I ran out of Baclofen, and it has all gone terribly wrong since. But the principle still remains valid, and it may help others. With your help and support and starting this site, my head is finally beginning to get back to its previous state. After all, it is only a couple of weeks since I last had voices in my head telling me to kill myself. In fact, I had a tentative go at that on Sunday. Sorry to share that with you.
I have put the chapter on a hidden page of the site. The link is here. It is only available to you who come to TFTD. Please be honest with your views. I really hope that it resonates with you. If you lot don't get it, then I've had it!
http://www.baclofen4alcoholism.com/page47.html
Hope that made sense.
Pip xx
Sorry that there was no TFTD or Diary entry yesterday. I have explained why in the Diary.
To be honest, my thoughts have not been particularly constructive over the last 48 hours. A heady brew of shit scared, frustrated, anger with the medics, anger with myself.
So, today to make my job a little easier, and hopefully to give you a little treat, I have decided to give you all a little taste of The Uninvited Guest. This would have been the last chapter, but in the light of recent events, there is going to be a new one, which I am working on now. There are other parts of the book still to complete, but this new last chapter is being written contemporaneously, real time, as it were.
The chapter is called "Healing my Family". I feel that it is beholden upon us all to recognise the enormous disruption that we cause to those around us and try to put it right. This chapter provides my road map for that. I was doing so well at it until I ran out of Baclofen, and it has all gone terribly wrong since. But the principle still remains valid, and it may help others. With your help and support and starting this site, my head is finally beginning to get back to its previous state. After all, it is only a couple of weeks since I last had voices in my head telling me to kill myself. In fact, I had a tentative go at that on Sunday. Sorry to share that with you.
I have put the chapter on a hidden page of the site. The link is here. It is only available to you who come to TFTD. Please be honest with your views. I really hope that it resonates with you. If you lot don't get it, then I've had it!
http://www.baclofen4alcoholism.com/page47.html
Hope that made sense.
Pip xx
Thursday 17 December 2009
Threading the Eye of a Needle - Baclofen, Curing our Alcoholism
"Threads"
To be perfectly honest, until a few weeks ago, I had never ever heard of such a thing.
To be perfectly honest, I'm still not totally sure I know what they are.
To be perfectly honest, I'm absolutely certain that the people that post on them have absolutely no idea how powerful these posts are.
And, to be perfectly honest, I am one million per cent certain that they have absolutely no idea whatsoever of the potential implications of what they post.
I stress and strain over every word I put everywhere. I am often burned in effigy for what I say, but it is always a reasoned argument. I agonise over every word.
And I only speak to a very few.
"Threaders" or whatever you call yourselves speak to thousands. Lucky you!! Wish I did!!
Having taken your Baclofen, got fed up, and had a few drinks, you are able, at the flick of a switch, to sound off to the world about how crap Baclofen is. The ones who know you well, or even "pm" you, know what is going on and that it will pass.
The most important ones, the thousands of faceless people out there who just read what we are up to, WILL not understand. Not one bit.
Imagine yourselves like a popular correspondent for a popular newspaper. Do that, and you won't go far wrong.
I love a regular UK columnist called Richard Littlejohn. I read him avidly every week in the Daily Mail. He speaks for me, in many ways. Probably 100,000 people read him every week. He has an e-mail address through which to correspond with him. I have never e-mailed him. But, he has his regulars who do.
What you say as "senior members" is really taken on board by all the others who read you. Maybe thousands.
I, for one, totally understand that responsibility.
I'm sure that you do too.
As I have said elsewhere before, when you're threading your needle, have one eye on what is on the other side. It might just surprise you.
It is often said in academic circles that "cream rises to the top". I am already seeing that same phenomenon amongst your threads.
Please take that as a compliment. So much of what I say gets misinterpreted.
May your God go with you.
Pip xx
To be perfectly honest, until a few weeks ago, I had never ever heard of such a thing.
To be perfectly honest, I'm still not totally sure I know what they are.
To be perfectly honest, I'm absolutely certain that the people that post on them have absolutely no idea how powerful these posts are.
And, to be perfectly honest, I am one million per cent certain that they have absolutely no idea whatsoever of the potential implications of what they post.
I stress and strain over every word I put everywhere. I am often burned in effigy for what I say, but it is always a reasoned argument. I agonise over every word.
And I only speak to a very few.
"Threaders" or whatever you call yourselves speak to thousands. Lucky you!! Wish I did!!
Having taken your Baclofen, got fed up, and had a few drinks, you are able, at the flick of a switch, to sound off to the world about how crap Baclofen is. The ones who know you well, or even "pm" you, know what is going on and that it will pass.
The most important ones, the thousands of faceless people out there who just read what we are up to, WILL not understand. Not one bit.
Imagine yourselves like a popular correspondent for a popular newspaper. Do that, and you won't go far wrong.
I love a regular UK columnist called Richard Littlejohn. I read him avidly every week in the Daily Mail. He speaks for me, in many ways. Probably 100,000 people read him every week. He has an e-mail address through which to correspond with him. I have never e-mailed him. But, he has his regulars who do.
What you say as "senior members" is really taken on board by all the others who read you. Maybe thousands.
I, for one, totally understand that responsibility.
I'm sure that you do too.
As I have said elsewhere before, when you're threading your needle, have one eye on what is on the other side. It might just surprise you.
It is often said in academic circles that "cream rises to the top". I am already seeing that same phenomenon amongst your threads.
Please take that as a compliment. So much of what I say gets misinterpreted.
May your God go with you.
Pip xx
Wednesday 16 December 2009
Systems, bloody systems! Baclofen, Curing our Alcoholism
Not much of a TFTD today. If I wrote down my thoughts today, the air would be blue and this site would probably be taken off air.
There must be some total idiot somewhere whose soul job it is to fuck things up for us normal people. Some sort of systems analyst prat who has never done a proper day's work in his life, and wouldn't know one end of a waiting room or hospital laboratory from the other.
You guessed it, there has been a total mix up with my blood tests and scan. New systems, you see, and nobody seems to have a clue how they work or how to communicate with each other. I tell you, through these new systems, I going to have a heart attack or stroke. My GP couldn't get my bloods properly, even though he spoke to the lab personally. The most important one wasn't there. Then the scan request has to go through almost a damn committee of radiologists just to determine its priority. It can take a week just to get to the appointments office. They're now booking for late January / early February.
Well, not for bloody me, they're not. I'm having the scan as an emergency, and I'm having my bloods repeated tomorrow. I've had to kick and shout to get this. But I feel so much better for it. Why? Because I am back in control of what happens to me. I've beaten the system.
Bloody systems. Who needs them? I thought it worked pretty well before. But some loony has to justify their job by tinkering with it.
(I apologise to all systems analysts out there. I'm sure you're all highly skilled, highly motivated, highly caring, highly professional people. I just don't think too highly off you at the moment! It won't last. My rants never do!)
Pip xx
There must be some total idiot somewhere whose soul job it is to fuck things up for us normal people. Some sort of systems analyst prat who has never done a proper day's work in his life, and wouldn't know one end of a waiting room or hospital laboratory from the other.
You guessed it, there has been a total mix up with my blood tests and scan. New systems, you see, and nobody seems to have a clue how they work or how to communicate with each other. I tell you, through these new systems, I going to have a heart attack or stroke. My GP couldn't get my bloods properly, even though he spoke to the lab personally. The most important one wasn't there. Then the scan request has to go through almost a damn committee of radiologists just to determine its priority. It can take a week just to get to the appointments office. They're now booking for late January / early February.
Well, not for bloody me, they're not. I'm having the scan as an emergency, and I'm having my bloods repeated tomorrow. I've had to kick and shout to get this. But I feel so much better for it. Why? Because I am back in control of what happens to me. I've beaten the system.
Bloody systems. Who needs them? I thought it worked pretty well before. But some loony has to justify their job by tinkering with it.
(I apologise to all systems analysts out there. I'm sure you're all highly skilled, highly motivated, highly caring, highly professional people. I just don't think too highly off you at the moment! It won't last. My rants never do!)
Pip xx
Tuesday 15 December 2009
What's Your Switch? Find it, and you can switch it off
I've just had a private e-mail conversation with a very great, very strong woman, who is going to do really great with Baclofen. As often happens these days, we inadvertently stumbled across a 'discussion thread' that we didn't expect. My TFTD's are almost never now what I thought they would be when I got up. Something always seems to happen in my day to get my juices flowing, if you can tolerate the very thought of that! Ha!!
Through our conversation, I remembered something that has long since passed. In a former life, I used to practice a lot of obesity surgery; especially the gastric balloon. I always used to consult new patients with a counsellor in the room. She was constantly amazed that I could get them all crying within five minutes. "I'm very good at finding the switch", I used to tell her. "Find the switch and you can switch it off".
She thought I was a genius, because finding the switch made my programmes so much more successful. But I wasn't as smart as she thought I was. You see, people like you and me (and obese patients are not so very different) are desperate to tell you what the switch is. It's just that noone has ever asked them about it before, and certainly not in a way that was non-threatening and only there to help.
"But how do you do it? So effortlessly." she asked.
"You have to be one to know one." I replied. I used to be able to say terrible things to them because I could always use the caveat "I'm allowed to say this, because I'm one of us." Now, I'm not actually that overweight, but by saying these simple words, the threat and condemnation and bigotry and prejudice that they were used to every day of their lives simply melted away. You could see it in their eyes. Within minutes, they had told me about their switch. Tears usually flowed, but with those tears their recovery started. And the road becomes so much easier when you're not dragging that switch along behind you.
A lot of what is in my The Baclofen Programme book relates to this. If I ever get it finished now!!
Did I have a switch of my own? God, I've had a few. Long periods of sobriety inbetween. Then another switch came along. Those that matter most to me do know what my latest switch has been. I share much of my Trumanesque life with you, but their privacy is paramount. As I often say in The Uninivited Guest, if I can't say something nice about someone, then I am going to leave them out. After all, The Uninvited Guest is not an autobiography, it is a personal autopsy. A treatise of me looking at myself. How prophetic that seems today. Not an easy read, but really funny in places!
Please please please look for your own switch. Find it and face it. Exorcise your own Daemon(s). And grow strong, because there may be more Daemons waiting for you over the next hill. That has been my life in a nutshell. Those Daemons weren't remotely demonic, in actual fact. But, with my anxiety-prone character, that is exactly how they felt. Nothing is more real than something your brain tells you to believe in. Everybody else thinks you're mad. But you absolutely know that you are not. Who is right??
I know what my latest switch is. I'm just struggling switching it off. If only I had me to talk to! Ha!!
I hope that made sense. Please let me know if my arse is speaking for me again. It often does. Ha!! Who needs emoticons!!
May your God go with you.
Pip xx
Through our conversation, I remembered something that has long since passed. In a former life, I used to practice a lot of obesity surgery; especially the gastric balloon. I always used to consult new patients with a counsellor in the room. She was constantly amazed that I could get them all crying within five minutes. "I'm very good at finding the switch", I used to tell her. "Find the switch and you can switch it off".
She thought I was a genius, because finding the switch made my programmes so much more successful. But I wasn't as smart as she thought I was. You see, people like you and me (and obese patients are not so very different) are desperate to tell you what the switch is. It's just that noone has ever asked them about it before, and certainly not in a way that was non-threatening and only there to help.
"But how do you do it? So effortlessly." she asked.
"You have to be one to know one." I replied. I used to be able to say terrible things to them because I could always use the caveat "I'm allowed to say this, because I'm one of us." Now, I'm not actually that overweight, but by saying these simple words, the threat and condemnation and bigotry and prejudice that they were used to every day of their lives simply melted away. You could see it in their eyes. Within minutes, they had told me about their switch. Tears usually flowed, but with those tears their recovery started. And the road becomes so much easier when you're not dragging that switch along behind you.
A lot of what is in my The Baclofen Programme book relates to this. If I ever get it finished now!!
Did I have a switch of my own? God, I've had a few. Long periods of sobriety inbetween. Then another switch came along. Those that matter most to me do know what my latest switch has been. I share much of my Trumanesque life with you, but their privacy is paramount. As I often say in The Uninivited Guest, if I can't say something nice about someone, then I am going to leave them out. After all, The Uninvited Guest is not an autobiography, it is a personal autopsy. A treatise of me looking at myself. How prophetic that seems today. Not an easy read, but really funny in places!
Please please please look for your own switch. Find it and face it. Exorcise your own Daemon(s). And grow strong, because there may be more Daemons waiting for you over the next hill. That has been my life in a nutshell. Those Daemons weren't remotely demonic, in actual fact. But, with my anxiety-prone character, that is exactly how they felt. Nothing is more real than something your brain tells you to believe in. Everybody else thinks you're mad. But you absolutely know that you are not. Who is right??
I know what my latest switch is. I'm just struggling switching it off. If only I had me to talk to! Ha!!
I hope that made sense. Please let me know if my arse is speaking for me again. It often does. Ha!! Who needs emoticons!!
May your God go with you.
Pip xx
Monday 14 December 2009
Now, thank God for Ziggy! - Baclofen, Curing Our Addiction
Well, if I can thank God for Evan and all the others that he has come to symbolise, I can most certainly thank God for my beautiful neice and Goddaughter. She is called Zara, but we all call her Ziggy or Zig. It was a nickname I coined years ago, because Ziggy Stardust is one of my favourite songs of all time.
If you have read My Baclofen Diary for today, you will see that yesterday was a truly terrible day. My brother-in-law later brought Zig, his daughter, to stay. It made me get up for her sake. She is devoted to me, and to see me so sick and low would frighten her. We had a lovely evening. We drank lots of special flavoured fizzy water, and ate lots and lots of chocolate. Well, she did. Got a very chocolatey tooth has our Zig!
We chatted and laughed our way through story after story, and memory after memory. She is only 14, but there are so many things we have shared. She sat in awe whenever told her a story about her or her elder brother that she couldn't remember because she wa too young at the time.
That is when something very special happened. In passing, I mentioned "Will's Book", assuming that she knew what I meant. She had never heard of it. You should have seen her face when I told her. Her jaw did literally drop open in amazement. About 8 years ago, when her brother was 8, one year he asked me if he could have something for Christmas that nobody else could possibly get. After a little thought, I decided to write him a Christmas novel, in which he was the hero. I was like a man possessed. It took me less than 6 weeks to write "Salokin's Revenge - how Will Saved Christmas". Imagine Harry Potter meets Philip Pullman meets Christmas. And, before you think plagiarism, remember that I wrote it before I had even read those other books! Almost 90,000 words, 400 pages of double spaced A4. A 'proper' book. And it contains characters named after every member of my extended family. Even the recently deceased Edith and my dear but long deceased and still much missed granddad Alf get a mention. Zara is a beautiful princess.
Since then, nobody has ever read it. I never got around to submitting it to publishers. Although an animation production company did nearly turn it into a film many years ago.
Getting back to Zig. To say she couldn't believe it would be the understatement of the decade. She asked if she could read it. Do you know, I wasn't even sure that I had kept a copy. I trawled through my old computer files and found one. But I couldn't remember the password from so long ago. Aaarrgghh!! After lots of attempts, trying to remember what might have been special to me all those years ago, the file finally (and mercifully) opened to the password "lynyrdskynyrd" - I should have known.
Zara sat mesmerised at my pc for hours. Every now and again, she would let out an "awe, that's so sweet". Her jaw barely closed for four hours. I was as nervous as hell. She got about 60 pages in when I had to send her to bed. She has already been back at the book this morning. She says it makes her laugh and want to cry. She says that she cannot believe that I wrote it. "Actually, that's just so mad" were her sentiments.
So, thank God for Ziggy. On a day when her dad and I discussed my living will, she brought in a huge chunk of life.
Hope that mad sense.
Pip xx
If you have read My Baclofen Diary for today, you will see that yesterday was a truly terrible day. My brother-in-law later brought Zig, his daughter, to stay. It made me get up for her sake. She is devoted to me, and to see me so sick and low would frighten her. We had a lovely evening. We drank lots of special flavoured fizzy water, and ate lots and lots of chocolate. Well, she did. Got a very chocolatey tooth has our Zig!
We chatted and laughed our way through story after story, and memory after memory. She is only 14, but there are so many things we have shared. She sat in awe whenever told her a story about her or her elder brother that she couldn't remember because she wa too young at the time.
That is when something very special happened. In passing, I mentioned "Will's Book", assuming that she knew what I meant. She had never heard of it. You should have seen her face when I told her. Her jaw did literally drop open in amazement. About 8 years ago, when her brother was 8, one year he asked me if he could have something for Christmas that nobody else could possibly get. After a little thought, I decided to write him a Christmas novel, in which he was the hero. I was like a man possessed. It took me less than 6 weeks to write "Salokin's Revenge - how Will Saved Christmas". Imagine Harry Potter meets Philip Pullman meets Christmas. And, before you think plagiarism, remember that I wrote it before I had even read those other books! Almost 90,000 words, 400 pages of double spaced A4. A 'proper' book. And it contains characters named after every member of my extended family. Even the recently deceased Edith and my dear but long deceased and still much missed granddad Alf get a mention. Zara is a beautiful princess.
Since then, nobody has ever read it. I never got around to submitting it to publishers. Although an animation production company did nearly turn it into a film many years ago.
Getting back to Zig. To say she couldn't believe it would be the understatement of the decade. She asked if she could read it. Do you know, I wasn't even sure that I had kept a copy. I trawled through my old computer files and found one. But I couldn't remember the password from so long ago. Aaarrgghh!! After lots of attempts, trying to remember what might have been special to me all those years ago, the file finally (and mercifully) opened to the password "lynyrdskynyrd" - I should have known.
Zara sat mesmerised at my pc for hours. Every now and again, she would let out an "awe, that's so sweet". Her jaw barely closed for four hours. I was as nervous as hell. She got about 60 pages in when I had to send her to bed. She has already been back at the book this morning. She says it makes her laugh and want to cry. She says that she cannot believe that I wrote it. "Actually, that's just so mad" were her sentiments.
So, thank God for Ziggy. On a day when her dad and I discussed my living will, she brought in a huge chunk of life.
Hope that mad sense.
Pip xx
Saturday 12 December 2009
Problemomegaly & Hypershitism - Baclofen, Curing Out Alcoholism
What is it about being an alcoholic that crap seems to follow you about?
No matter how much I try, or how sick I am, I feel like I'm living in a goldfish bowl and everybody is waiting to have a pop at me.
Do you, as one of us, ever feel like you just can't get a break? Is your life / work / loves just one step forward and a huge jump back?
Well, join a not very exclusive club. And I, for one, am fed up of it.
Having HFD is bad enough as a disease, but when it is associated with Problemomegaly and Hypershitism, it becomes almost unbearable.
We all need peace. HFD tends to bring the opposite. The thing is, I'm too old to remember which came first. Thank God for Olivier Ameisen. He always reminds me which came first.
Take care you lot.
Pip
xx
No matter how much I try, or how sick I am, I feel like I'm living in a goldfish bowl and everybody is waiting to have a pop at me.
Do you, as one of us, ever feel like you just can't get a break? Is your life / work / loves just one step forward and a huge jump back?
Well, join a not very exclusive club. And I, for one, am fed up of it.
Having HFD is bad enough as a disease, but when it is associated with Problemomegaly and Hypershitism, it becomes almost unbearable.
We all need peace. HFD tends to bring the opposite. The thing is, I'm too old to remember which came first. Thank God for Olivier Ameisen. He always reminds me which came first.
Take care you lot.
Pip
xx
Friday 11 December 2009
Hepatomegaly - the Sword of Damocles - Still Curing My Alcoholism. I hope in time
Hepatomegaly
Complicated word. Unfortunately, a very simple meaning.
"megaly" comes from "mega" - ie "big"
"hepato" simply means liver.
I've got a mega-liver. Sounds like a good thing, doesn't it?
It isn't.
Make sure that you don't get one.
My life's work from now on is to ensure that as many of you as I can, don't get a mega-liver.
And also for me to live. Thank God for Baclofen. Gives me a fighting chance.
Help me, and I will help you.
Pip
xx
Complicated word. Unfortunately, a very simple meaning.
"megaly" comes from "mega" - ie "big"
"hepato" simply means liver.
I've got a mega-liver. Sounds like a good thing, doesn't it?
It isn't.
Make sure that you don't get one.
My life's work from now on is to ensure that as many of you as I can, don't get a mega-liver.
And also for me to live. Thank God for Baclofen. Gives me a fighting chance.
Help me, and I will help you.
Pip
xx
Thursday 10 December 2009
Society? Curing My Addiction to Alcohol
A quick TFTD today
It's very late and I've had a really bad day.
But have I?
I'm not very well, and I needed help.
I need a society to understand me. I need a medical support service to be there. I need close personal support. I need Baclofen.
Baclofen is easy.
The personal support is not for everyone, but I am so lucky that I have that.
I give up on society. Almost all sociopolitical groups fail people fall at every hurdle.
But, I live in the UK. The National Health Service in the UK gets nothing but criticism and crap from those that live here. Waiting lists. Waiting times in A&E etc.
How mad we are. It's far from perfect. But, I ask those of you who chat with me to consider this.
Today, I felt like shit. Without asking anybody in authority, without any appointment, I went to a brilliant acute hospital and said that I was feeling shit. This is a fantastic hospital doing major cardiac surgery. They were really nice, took my name and address and date of birth, my GP's name and asked me to take a seat. Within 2 minutes a lovely Triage nurse took more of my medical details. She politely asked me to take a seat so that an ECG could be done. 30 minutes later, I was in a cublicle, a (normal) ECG done, my bloods, BP, PaO2, peak flow taken, and a chest X-ray ordered.
No signing for anything (except that I had a mobile phone as a valuable!!!). No money. No insurance. No risk. No worries.
If you're an alcoholic with no life, no job, no prospects, no home - it would still be exactly the same.
Makes you think doesn't it?
I like being English.
May your God go with you
Pip
xx
It's very late and I've had a really bad day.
But have I?
I'm not very well, and I needed help.
I need a society to understand me. I need a medical support service to be there. I need close personal support. I need Baclofen.
Baclofen is easy.
The personal support is not for everyone, but I am so lucky that I have that.
I give up on society. Almost all sociopolitical groups fail people fall at every hurdle.
But, I live in the UK. The National Health Service in the UK gets nothing but criticism and crap from those that live here. Waiting lists. Waiting times in A&E etc.
How mad we are. It's far from perfect. But, I ask those of you who chat with me to consider this.
Today, I felt like shit. Without asking anybody in authority, without any appointment, I went to a brilliant acute hospital and said that I was feeling shit. This is a fantastic hospital doing major cardiac surgery. They were really nice, took my name and address and date of birth, my GP's name and asked me to take a seat. Within 2 minutes a lovely Triage nurse took more of my medical details. She politely asked me to take a seat so that an ECG could be done. 30 minutes later, I was in a cublicle, a (normal) ECG done, my bloods, BP, PaO2, peak flow taken, and a chest X-ray ordered.
No signing for anything (except that I had a mobile phone as a valuable!!!). No money. No insurance. No risk. No worries.
If you're an alcoholic with no life, no job, no prospects, no home - it would still be exactly the same.
Makes you think doesn't it?
I like being English.
May your God go with you
Pip
xx
Wednesday 9 December 2009
Above all do no harm - Baclofen, Curing our Alcoholism
A visitor to both Baclofen 4 Alcoholism.com and MWO e-mailed me today. He / she (I will continue as he) was concerned that my intentions / motives with the site might not be quite as honourable as I would hope you to think. The concern was that, whilst he was pretty sure that I was 'bona fide', the "commercial gain" thread on MWO had given him real cause for doubt.
He raised extremely legitimate concerns about anything to do with the internet; especially when we are dealing with such emotive, sensitive and personal issues. I hope that I dealt with his concerns, and that we enjoy his company here on a regular basis. From what little I know already, his presence would be a great bonus for our modest group.
The point I want to make today is as follows.
I am an enormous believer in free speech. Voltaire famously wrote "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." I couldn't agree more. I abhor censorship. The free press is what keeps the head of democracy and freedom above water. Even in the UK, where they say democracy was born, there are elements of our political elite who would like to have their foot on the head of democracy and much of our freedoms. They would push it back under the water to drown.
So, that is where I stand on that.
But, I feel that the internet brings just the merest smidgen of a tad of a morsel of a caveat to that freedom.
It has taken a huge amount of my time, effort, and money to build this site. I have had to consider every element. Every word. Every intention. Every message. It has been a labour of love. Not for myself, but for what I hope, and believe, this place can be for people like us. And I have done it without any anonymity.
I have never made, laid down, posted or threaded a "thread" in my life. But what I do konw is that it is very easy to do, "anonymously", and gives a voice to something that might not have taken up very much of the "threaders" time at all. Perhaps (and you will doubtless tell me if I am wrong), it might not taken weeks of thought, consideration or preparation. It might not have even been such a good idea in the cold light of day. But once it gets its own momentum ...........
Now, I wish to make it very clear that I have no problem whatsoever with the "commercial gain" thread. After all, I have responded to it, and even direct people to it from this site. I couldn't care less about it. Again, with one caveat.
The point of this TFTD is this.
I have been on both the good and the bad ends of the free press. Very good luck to them. But in absolutely every case, even they have the common sense and decency to tell you what they are going to write, so that you might comment before it goes to print. They have a code of conduct for 'proper' journalists.
My code of conduct is my professional ethics, considerable experience, and wish to help people just like me.
To a degree, some web sites have rules about what you say (offence, sex, religion etc). Few have a professional 'code of conduct'.
People like us, visiting sites such as ours, are often very scared, very lonely, very ill, very sensitive, very suspicious.
That thoroughly decent person who wrote to me today received a reply from me as soon as I saw it. I hope he keeps in touch. Because of the "commercial gain" thread, he might not.
If I hadn't replied so quickly, or at all, he might not return to the site ever gain.
Most importantly, because of the "commercial gain" thread, he might not have had the nerve to contact me at all.
Nobody contacted me about the "commercial gain" thread before it was threaded. If they had, I would've very happy to deal with them professionally. After that, they could've threaded whatever they liked. But anybody who proposes to talk to an unseen public has some degree of responsibility. When they do so anonymously, they must think very carefully indeed.
Sometimes, even when you act with the very best of intentions, you can sometimes hurt the ones you are trying to help the most.
I take my own approach from Pope John XXIII, who sagely said "See everything; overlook a great deal; correct a little."
To which I would most humbly add "And, above all do no harm". That is how I have tried to practice my surgery. And it is how I am trying to run this site.
That writer today really made me think about the harm we can do in all innocence. I hope it makes us all think about that.
When you thread your threads have your eye on what is through the eye of your needle. Like the wardrobe to Narnia, it might just surprise you. It constantly surprises, excites and inspires me.
Hope that made sense.
Take care
Pip
xx
He raised extremely legitimate concerns about anything to do with the internet; especially when we are dealing with such emotive, sensitive and personal issues. I hope that I dealt with his concerns, and that we enjoy his company here on a regular basis. From what little I know already, his presence would be a great bonus for our modest group.
The point I want to make today is as follows.
I am an enormous believer in free speech. Voltaire famously wrote "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." I couldn't agree more. I abhor censorship. The free press is what keeps the head of democracy and freedom above water. Even in the UK, where they say democracy was born, there are elements of our political elite who would like to have their foot on the head of democracy and much of our freedoms. They would push it back under the water to drown.
So, that is where I stand on that.
But, I feel that the internet brings just the merest smidgen of a tad of a morsel of a caveat to that freedom.
It has taken a huge amount of my time, effort, and money to build this site. I have had to consider every element. Every word. Every intention. Every message. It has been a labour of love. Not for myself, but for what I hope, and believe, this place can be for people like us. And I have done it without any anonymity.
I have never made, laid down, posted or threaded a "thread" in my life. But what I do konw is that it is very easy to do, "anonymously", and gives a voice to something that might not have taken up very much of the "threaders" time at all. Perhaps (and you will doubtless tell me if I am wrong), it might not taken weeks of thought, consideration or preparation. It might not have even been such a good idea in the cold light of day. But once it gets its own momentum ...........
Now, I wish to make it very clear that I have no problem whatsoever with the "commercial gain" thread. After all, I have responded to it, and even direct people to it from this site. I couldn't care less about it. Again, with one caveat.
The point of this TFTD is this.
I have been on both the good and the bad ends of the free press. Very good luck to them. But in absolutely every case, even they have the common sense and decency to tell you what they are going to write, so that you might comment before it goes to print. They have a code of conduct for 'proper' journalists.
My code of conduct is my professional ethics, considerable experience, and wish to help people just like me.
To a degree, some web sites have rules about what you say (offence, sex, religion etc). Few have a professional 'code of conduct'.
People like us, visiting sites such as ours, are often very scared, very lonely, very ill, very sensitive, very suspicious.
That thoroughly decent person who wrote to me today received a reply from me as soon as I saw it. I hope he keeps in touch. Because of the "commercial gain" thread, he might not.
If I hadn't replied so quickly, or at all, he might not return to the site ever gain.
Most importantly, because of the "commercial gain" thread, he might not have had the nerve to contact me at all.
Nobody contacted me about the "commercial gain" thread before it was threaded. If they had, I would've very happy to deal with them professionally. After that, they could've threaded whatever they liked. But anybody who proposes to talk to an unseen public has some degree of responsibility. When they do so anonymously, they must think very carefully indeed.
Sometimes, even when you act with the very best of intentions, you can sometimes hurt the ones you are trying to help the most.
I take my own approach from Pope John XXIII, who sagely said "See everything; overlook a great deal; correct a little."
To which I would most humbly add "And, above all do no harm". That is how I have tried to practice my surgery. And it is how I am trying to run this site.
That writer today really made me think about the harm we can do in all innocence. I hope it makes us all think about that.
When you thread your threads have your eye on what is through the eye of your needle. Like the wardrobe to Narnia, it might just surprise you. It constantly surprises, excites and inspires me.
Hope that made sense.
Take care
Pip
xx
Tuesday 8 December 2009
Curing my own Alcoholism - Thank God for Evan
Before I bore at least three of you, I must first welcome Evan. Evan is someone I have never met, but I am sure I would like.
Why?
I might be totally wrong about this, after all, we don't know each other. However, I would bet most of the following adjectives apply to Evan
Kind, considerate, compassionate, intelligent, witty, funny, hard working, intuitive, giving, thoughtful, attentive, friendly, analytical, interesting, articulate
Evan is great because Evan encompasses everything that we need in this fight against alcoholism and why and how it happens to so mnay of us. If all of you were as outward looking as Evan, we would all be better off.
We have a selfish disease. You have to have it really understand what that means. It makes us see the World through our own very narrow perspective. Many seek help. Few realise that the best help for us comes through people just like us. Nobody else really gets us enough to do any significant good for us. Even those closest to us rarely get it properly.
So, few realise this, and even fewer put in all the hours and effort to help others.
That is why I applaud Evan. There are so few like Evan, that they must be cherished, treasured and nurtured.
We need lots and lots more Evans'. Why don't you become one? After all, I know for a fact that all the adjectives that I used about Evan almost certainly apply to all of you too.
So, no excuse then.
I thank God for all the Evans' out there. So should you.
In fact, that can be my Thought for Today.
Perfect.
May your God go with you.
Pip
xx
Why?
I might be totally wrong about this, after all, we don't know each other. However, I would bet most of the following adjectives apply to Evan
Kind, considerate, compassionate, intelligent, witty, funny, hard working, intuitive, giving, thoughtful, attentive, friendly, analytical, interesting, articulate
Evan is great because Evan encompasses everything that we need in this fight against alcoholism and why and how it happens to so mnay of us. If all of you were as outward looking as Evan, we would all be better off.
We have a selfish disease. You have to have it really understand what that means. It makes us see the World through our own very narrow perspective. Many seek help. Few realise that the best help for us comes through people just like us. Nobody else really gets us enough to do any significant good for us. Even those closest to us rarely get it properly.
So, few realise this, and even fewer put in all the hours and effort to help others.
That is why I applaud Evan. There are so few like Evan, that they must be cherished, treasured and nurtured.
We need lots and lots more Evans'. Why don't you become one? After all, I know for a fact that all the adjectives that I used about Evan almost certainly apply to all of you too.
So, no excuse then.
I thank God for all the Evans' out there. So should you.
In fact, that can be my Thought for Today.
Perfect.
May your God go with you.
Pip
xx
Monday 7 December 2009
Curing My Alcoholism - Sharon Osbourne - it's not what you think!
After yesterday's weekend silliness about Simple Man (although I hope my message did filter through the nonsense!), this is something that I'd really like you to think about.
A few of you, well one really, absolutely hates that Sharon Osbourne video on the site. He's probably jealous! Ha! He says that, because it doesn't relate to Baclofen, he feels that it is of no relevance and probably just me going off on an ego trip.
How wrong he is. And the following concepts / ideas are very important to me, and people like me. People like most of you, in fact. Please read them. I believe that they should be just as important to you and your quest for life long health and happiness; devoid of that malevolent spirit.
Several years ago now, I had set up and owned a clinical centre for obesity surgery. Adolescent obesity was just becoming a hot topic, but nobody had the guts to "go for it". We were consulted by a very brave woman and her even braver daughter. They were interested in her having a gastric balloon. Even though it might have been commercial suicide for my fledgling business, I thought that it was the right thing to do for her, at that time. So, because it was new and potentially controversial, I funded the whole thing myself.
I then stuck my head up personally for everyone to fire bullets at. I was on TV and on radio all the time for about two months. There were newspaper and magazine articles all over the place. You could even Google me. I invited bullets. None came. Why?
Because we were right.
One day, I said to the girl involved - "Becky, if I was a genie, who would you most like to meet?" She said Sharon Osbourne. "That would be soooooooo cool, and my mates would be soooooo jealous". I went to my hard-nosed business partner and said "I'm gona get Becky on the Sharon Osbourne Show". As always, she just looked at me with that glorious countenance of a smile, head-shaking, and benign tolerant incredulity that I seem to bring out in everybody. "If you say so", she sighed as she went back to much more important things like balancing the books. Within ten days, we were in London filming the show.
So what?, I hear the two people that ever bother to read this TFTD ask. The "So What" is of fundamental importance here.
I didn't get Becky onto the SO Show because I have lots of contacts, or called in a few favours. I got her on because hers was a genuine, true, honest, good story.
And, when I'm not pissed, I am an extremely good, genuine, true, honest story teller.
And I seem to have a talent for opening doors. There are other examples. I won't bore you with them.
Now, here's the rub.
If Baclofen is going to do the greatest good that it can, it has got to find its way into the minds of lots of different groups of people. For example:-
You, reading this TFTD, and joining in. Those of you who go on MWO and other such sites. You think you know about Baclofen, but everybody can learn
People like you who will never get the chance to read this TFTD because they (for whatever reason) wont ever find themselves here. No money, no hope, no computer, no internet. Maybe even no home. God love them and protect them. He won't, but I can keep on asking. They probably need Baclofen the most, but like most things in this often shitty world, they are probably the least likely to get it. Unless something is done, they wont ever get to know that it is even there. And you can bet that no doctor is going to offer it to them
General practitioners / family doctors. Generally slow-minded, conservative, "I learned it all once, I don't see why I have to learn it all again" types. I've met hundreds. I do not intend to malign them all, but there are lots. Mine is one.
Politicians, who need to understand that the "toxic alcohol environment" that they have fostered will mean that this disease will ravage their populations for another hundred years if they don't act soon. It is just far too easy (and way way too cheap) to get pissed and to stay pissed. And far far too profitable for "them" to try to stop you. They now make strong liquor that looks and tastes, and is packaged, like a child's sweets. It's alcoholic pornography.
And finally, and I have left this group until last deliberately.
"Alcoholism Specialists". Dear God.
They sneak up on us under so many guises. Medics, super-qualified psychiatrists, psychologists, behaviour therapists, nurses, religious bods, charitable groups, temperance societies, private "retreats and centres", pedlars of herbal and other alternative 'therapies', cranks, the internet quack. Even other alcoholics. You name it, we attract them. Maybe I'm one of them in a not so convincing disguise!!
The point is that WE, and I absolutely genuinely mean WE, have to take control of as much of this as we can. Yesterday, a very wise woman from MWO e-mailed me with some stuff that was so correct, you would have thought that we had been sat down together for years, chewing this over.
After reading her very long e-mail, which so mirrored my own thoughts, this is what I think.
Most important of all is that YOUR salvation (and mine) from long term alcoholism requires a few elements all to work properly, and at the same time (synchronicity as Sting called it):-
Baclofen (or whatever better soon comes in its place, and it will) - first and foremost we need treatment. And Baclofen is genuine proper medical treatment. You can wait for the double-blind randomised-controlled trials if you want. I'd be pissed and dead in a ditch if I waited;
Support (in whatever form) - you would be amazed at what simple things that your lover can do for you that might be termed "Cognitive Behavioural Therapy". Get sober and find out! But we do need some behavioural support. Just find it and use it wherever you feel most comfortable. For me, it is at home. I'm not one for groups of strangers, but you might be different;
Good Nutrition - if you're going to do this, do it properly
Our immediate 'salvation' lies within ourselves and each other. I have asked before that we form a syncytium. MWO is that, I guess. And, I hope my site has great potential in this regard. They're certainly the best I have come across so far. Take as much as you can out of these forums and put back as much as you can. Think of them as a bank account of good. Try to stay in credit. At this festive time of year, just think of Bailey's Building & Loan in Bedford Falls. If you don't know what that means, shame on you! Clarence, take their names for future reference, and dispatch them to Pottersville!!!
We need a "proper" information site that we can interact with. I honestly believe that www.baclofen4alcoholism.com is as good as you will find anywhere. I am now being told regularly, that it is getting better all the time. And so it should, given the amount of time I spend on it!
We need to get the information to those who need it most, but who may never find it. There are three prongs of attack here. The media, the politicans, and the medical profession. This is very very time consuming, but a really good laugh if you like that kind of thing. It takes brave people to do something like this. I will be the very first over the top of the trenches. Please don't let me turn aound and find that I'm standing in No Man's Land on my own!! I need your help. Some of you will have really great experience and talents to make this possible.
And so, finally, back to Sharon Osbourne.
That video is there for the following reasons:-
To show me to you as a real person (clumsy English, but it does all that I ask)
That I do not need to remain anonymous like everybody else does (now that's not easy. Sorry, mum!)
To demonstrate that, within my own field, I did reach a certain level of prestige and notoriety
To demonstrate that I don't mind ruffling a few feathers and rattling a few cages along the way
What I have done for the gastric balloon and obesity surgery, I can do for Baclofen. I know that I look like a cabbage that has been not-so-strategically coiffeured and handed a suit, but if I'm let loose to do something mad, I usually manage to do it.
Just help me along the way. We will succeed. Why?
Because we are right.
To quote a long lost and much loved Irish comedian; known for his love of Irish Malt Whisky and lauded for his extraordinary generosity and charity:-
May your God go with you.
Amen to that
Pip
xx
A few of you, well one really, absolutely hates that Sharon Osbourne video on the site. He's probably jealous! Ha! He says that, because it doesn't relate to Baclofen, he feels that it is of no relevance and probably just me going off on an ego trip.
How wrong he is. And the following concepts / ideas are very important to me, and people like me. People like most of you, in fact. Please read them. I believe that they should be just as important to you and your quest for life long health and happiness; devoid of that malevolent spirit.
Several years ago now, I had set up and owned a clinical centre for obesity surgery. Adolescent obesity was just becoming a hot topic, but nobody had the guts to "go for it". We were consulted by a very brave woman and her even braver daughter. They were interested in her having a gastric balloon. Even though it might have been commercial suicide for my fledgling business, I thought that it was the right thing to do for her, at that time. So, because it was new and potentially controversial, I funded the whole thing myself.
I then stuck my head up personally for everyone to fire bullets at. I was on TV and on radio all the time for about two months. There were newspaper and magazine articles all over the place. You could even Google me. I invited bullets. None came. Why?
Because we were right.
One day, I said to the girl involved - "Becky, if I was a genie, who would you most like to meet?" She said Sharon Osbourne. "That would be soooooooo cool, and my mates would be soooooo jealous". I went to my hard-nosed business partner and said "I'm gona get Becky on the Sharon Osbourne Show". As always, she just looked at me with that glorious countenance of a smile, head-shaking, and benign tolerant incredulity that I seem to bring out in everybody. "If you say so", she sighed as she went back to much more important things like balancing the books. Within ten days, we were in London filming the show.
So what?, I hear the two people that ever bother to read this TFTD ask. The "So What" is of fundamental importance here.
I didn't get Becky onto the SO Show because I have lots of contacts, or called in a few favours. I got her on because hers was a genuine, true, honest, good story.
And, when I'm not pissed, I am an extremely good, genuine, true, honest story teller.
And I seem to have a talent for opening doors. There are other examples. I won't bore you with them.
Now, here's the rub.
If Baclofen is going to do the greatest good that it can, it has got to find its way into the minds of lots of different groups of people. For example:-
You, reading this TFTD, and joining in. Those of you who go on MWO and other such sites. You think you know about Baclofen, but everybody can learn
People like you who will never get the chance to read this TFTD because they (for whatever reason) wont ever find themselves here. No money, no hope, no computer, no internet. Maybe even no home. God love them and protect them. He won't, but I can keep on asking. They probably need Baclofen the most, but like most things in this often shitty world, they are probably the least likely to get it. Unless something is done, they wont ever get to know that it is even there. And you can bet that no doctor is going to offer it to them
General practitioners / family doctors. Generally slow-minded, conservative, "I learned it all once, I don't see why I have to learn it all again" types. I've met hundreds. I do not intend to malign them all, but there are lots. Mine is one.
Politicians, who need to understand that the "toxic alcohol environment" that they have fostered will mean that this disease will ravage their populations for another hundred years if they don't act soon. It is just far too easy (and way way too cheap) to get pissed and to stay pissed. And far far too profitable for "them" to try to stop you. They now make strong liquor that looks and tastes, and is packaged, like a child's sweets. It's alcoholic pornography.
And finally, and I have left this group until last deliberately.
"Alcoholism Specialists". Dear God.
They sneak up on us under so many guises. Medics, super-qualified psychiatrists, psychologists, behaviour therapists, nurses, religious bods, charitable groups, temperance societies, private "retreats and centres", pedlars of herbal and other alternative 'therapies', cranks, the internet quack. Even other alcoholics. You name it, we attract them. Maybe I'm one of them in a not so convincing disguise!!
The point is that WE, and I absolutely genuinely mean WE, have to take control of as much of this as we can. Yesterday, a very wise woman from MWO e-mailed me with some stuff that was so correct, you would have thought that we had been sat down together for years, chewing this over.
After reading her very long e-mail, which so mirrored my own thoughts, this is what I think.
Most important of all is that YOUR salvation (and mine) from long term alcoholism requires a few elements all to work properly, and at the same time (synchronicity as Sting called it):-
Baclofen (or whatever better soon comes in its place, and it will) - first and foremost we need treatment. And Baclofen is genuine proper medical treatment. You can wait for the double-blind randomised-controlled trials if you want. I'd be pissed and dead in a ditch if I waited;
Support (in whatever form) - you would be amazed at what simple things that your lover can do for you that might be termed "Cognitive Behavioural Therapy". Get sober and find out! But we do need some behavioural support. Just find it and use it wherever you feel most comfortable. For me, it is at home. I'm not one for groups of strangers, but you might be different;
Good Nutrition - if you're going to do this, do it properly
Our immediate 'salvation' lies within ourselves and each other. I have asked before that we form a syncytium. MWO is that, I guess. And, I hope my site has great potential in this regard. They're certainly the best I have come across so far. Take as much as you can out of these forums and put back as much as you can. Think of them as a bank account of good. Try to stay in credit. At this festive time of year, just think of Bailey's Building & Loan in Bedford Falls. If you don't know what that means, shame on you! Clarence, take their names for future reference, and dispatch them to Pottersville!!!
We need a "proper" information site that we can interact with. I honestly believe that www.baclofen4alcoholism.com is as good as you will find anywhere. I am now being told regularly, that it is getting better all the time. And so it should, given the amount of time I spend on it!
We need to get the information to those who need it most, but who may never find it. There are three prongs of attack here. The media, the politicans, and the medical profession. This is very very time consuming, but a really good laugh if you like that kind of thing. It takes brave people to do something like this. I will be the very first over the top of the trenches. Please don't let me turn aound and find that I'm standing in No Man's Land on my own!! I need your help. Some of you will have really great experience and talents to make this possible.
And so, finally, back to Sharon Osbourne.
That video is there for the following reasons:-
To show me to you as a real person (clumsy English, but it does all that I ask)
That I do not need to remain anonymous like everybody else does (now that's not easy. Sorry, mum!)
To demonstrate that, within my own field, I did reach a certain level of prestige and notoriety
To demonstrate that I don't mind ruffling a few feathers and rattling a few cages along the way
What I have done for the gastric balloon and obesity surgery, I can do for Baclofen. I know that I look like a cabbage that has been not-so-strategically coiffeured and handed a suit, but if I'm let loose to do something mad, I usually manage to do it.
Just help me along the way. We will succeed. Why?
Because we are right.
To quote a long lost and much loved Irish comedian; known for his love of Irish Malt Whisky and lauded for his extraordinary generosity and charity:-
May your God go with you.
Amen to that
Pip
xx
Sunday 6 December 2009
Last one for today, I promise!!
I case any of you wonder what I get up to, this is roughly it. This isn't me, obviously, but this is what I do when nobody is around!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjAj4jqeSJ8&feature=related
Love you all
Pip
xx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjAj4jqeSJ8&feature=related
Love you all
Pip
xx
Curing My Alcoholism - through the beauty around me
Now, don't get used to this. There will not be so many thoughts on one day. But I just found this. It broke my heart. I have to admit that I cried. If I had my time again, I would be doing exactly this kind of thing with my beloved daughter Sophie. I know a lot of words, but there isn't one for how much I miss her.
Fugazi. That kind of works. Google it, if you don't already know.
Just watch this, and see if you don't cry too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tkw7IbzXVXw&NR=1
I'm going to put a "Cutest Ever Version of Simple Man" page on the web site. Tip will just have to accept it. That was soooo cute.
I miss my daughter.
Pip
xx
Fugazi. That kind of works. Google it, if you don't already know.
Just watch this, and see if you don't cry too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tkw7IbzXVXw&NR=1
I'm going to put a "Cutest Ever Version of Simple Man" page on the web site. Tip will just have to accept it. That was soooo cute.
I miss my daughter.
Pip
xx
Just found this. Please watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFRRPD7V6MI&feature=related
Awe bless. Couldn't you just eat her up? How perfectly sweet was that?
Just so you know, I'm even worse than that, but it seems like we at least both mean it when we sing it!!
Apparently I'm not alone after all.
How great was that?
Brilliant!!
Pip
xx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFRRPD7V6MI&feature=related
Awe bless. Couldn't you just eat her up? How perfectly sweet was that?
Just so you know, I'm even worse than that, but it seems like we at least both mean it when we sing it!!
Apparently I'm not alone after all.
How great was that?
Brilliant!!
Pip
xx
Treating my own Alcoholism - A Simple Man - God, do I wish
For those of you who don't know, I am a most frustrated rock guitarist. I've tried hard, but I am rubbish. Over the years, I have put so much time and effort and love and enthusiasm into this forlorn task. I have to concede that I am just simply terrible at playing the guitar.
I first saw Lynyrd Skynyrd, in Manchester UK when I was eleven years old. They have been a constant in my life ever since.
I have posted a link to a simple song, that simply hits home for me. My dear old gran (she was called Edith, as was the first of her four daughters) used to sit me down, and tell me to slow down. From the age of about eleven, all I ever wanted was to be a surgeon. I've absolutely no idea why. I lived and breathed my dream. I was a boy possessed. But I got there. Very quickly actually. But at what cost?
My gran was very proud of all I achieved. But she was also very wise. All the time, she said things to me that are almost perfectly echoed in the Lynyrd Skynyrd song Simple Man, that I have posted here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHQ_aTjXObs
She just wanted me to slow down, enjoy where I was right then, and to be happy with who, what and where I was. But I never was. That damned hill was always there. The next big thing for me to do. I became a visiting Professor of Surgery, and had written a proper major textbook by the time I was 29 years old. But at what cost ultimately.
To paraphrase Gordon Gekko - simple is good. simple works.
I once told Julie that I thought that I was a simple man. She's still laughing!
I wish to God that I had listened to my gran more.
Take care you lot.
Pip
xx
I first saw Lynyrd Skynyrd, in Manchester UK when I was eleven years old. They have been a constant in my life ever since.
I have posted a link to a simple song, that simply hits home for me. My dear old gran (she was called Edith, as was the first of her four daughters) used to sit me down, and tell me to slow down. From the age of about eleven, all I ever wanted was to be a surgeon. I've absolutely no idea why. I lived and breathed my dream. I was a boy possessed. But I got there. Very quickly actually. But at what cost?
My gran was very proud of all I achieved. But she was also very wise. All the time, she said things to me that are almost perfectly echoed in the Lynyrd Skynyrd song Simple Man, that I have posted here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHQ_aTjXObs
She just wanted me to slow down, enjoy where I was right then, and to be happy with who, what and where I was. But I never was. That damned hill was always there. The next big thing for me to do. I became a visiting Professor of Surgery, and had written a proper major textbook by the time I was 29 years old. But at what cost ultimately.
To paraphrase Gordon Gekko - simple is good. simple works.
I once told Julie that I thought that I was a simple man. She's still laughing!
I wish to God that I had listened to my gran more.
Take care you lot.
Pip
xx
Saturday 5 December 2009
Curing my Alcoholism - it takes a brave woman ........
Two TFTD thoughts for the 'free price' of one today. Am I value for money or not?!
I've known lots of really great people in my time. I have been best mates with bods that are now Professors of Paediatrics; emminent lawyers; even a Law Lord.
I've tried to be one of them, but I'm just not up to it.
They are all so clever, so confident, so great with money, so 'bloody perfect'. Alpha males, with no self doubt. Fuckers!!!
I'm just not like that. And I'm not totally sure why.
I'm not thick, and I work hard. Well, I did once. I'm just not wired like they are.
How do people like us salvage ourselves?
In my opinion, it takes someone else to do it for us. Pathetic, I know, but it takes someone else. You can put in as much effort as you like, but you need someone else.
It doesn't matter who that someone is, but he / she must make you believe. In yourself. Find that person, and you WILL be 'cured'.
It takes a very brave woman to take me on. I'm not a bad person. Not at all, really. But I am an alcoholic. Like many of us, I often do lots of really good deeds elsewhere. Home gets the fat end of the shitty stick.
A brave woman is worth her weight in gold.
Why they do it anybody's guess. Why anybody would want me is anybody's guess. I wouldn't have me, so why should anybody else?
Brave women.
I love them.
Well, one, anyway.
Take care you lot
xx
I've known lots of really great people in my time. I have been best mates with bods that are now Professors of Paediatrics; emminent lawyers; even a Law Lord.
I've tried to be one of them, but I'm just not up to it.
They are all so clever, so confident, so great with money, so 'bloody perfect'. Alpha males, with no self doubt. Fuckers!!!
I'm just not like that. And I'm not totally sure why.
I'm not thick, and I work hard. Well, I did once. I'm just not wired like they are.
How do people like us salvage ourselves?
In my opinion, it takes someone else to do it for us. Pathetic, I know, but it takes someone else. You can put in as much effort as you like, but you need someone else.
It doesn't matter who that someone is, but he / she must make you believe. In yourself. Find that person, and you WILL be 'cured'.
It takes a very brave woman to take me on. I'm not a bad person. Not at all, really. But I am an alcoholic. Like many of us, I often do lots of really good deeds elsewhere. Home gets the fat end of the shitty stick.
A brave woman is worth her weight in gold.
Why they do it anybody's guess. Why anybody would want me is anybody's guess. I wouldn't have me, so why should anybody else?
Brave women.
I love them.
Well, one, anyway.
Take care you lot
xx
I hope that I am, and we are, curing our alcoholism
Now, here's a thought. I don't know if I've read this, or something like it, before or not.
"I would never have become a drunk, if only I could have seen myself drunk."
Today, for many reasons, those sentiments hit home like an arrow through my heart.
The reason?
Kids. I have four step children.
What must they think? Of me? Of me and their mam?
"Innocents abroad", as someone much cleverer than me once said. Indeed.
It is a most selfish, pernicious disease. The only disease known to mankind where the sufferer is blamed for their condition. Apart from "Sy-phill-is" as a wise man tried to tell me recently! Well, he thinks he's wise anyway!
And I, for one, hate it a lot. I hate the unpredictability of being me. It IS getting much more predictable again, and I love that.
"Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat.
Thank God, this Year, we won't have to share it with that ... fat ... drunk"
I can almost hear Daniel singing the words!
And our kids would be right to feel that. This year, anyway. What a horrible year they have had. People like us make them grow up far too quickly, and we should be ashamed. I am.
This Christmas, they deserve lots of peace, lots and lots of love, and lots of great presents. And, from a distance, it will be my privilege to try to give them all of that. They might not be able to see me, but I WILL be there.
The Ghost of Christmas Pissed!
Like Hell!!! Not anymore!!
More like - The Ghost of Great Christmas' Yet To Come.
Dear God. What a nightmare.
Take care you lot.
xxxxxxxxxxx
"I would never have become a drunk, if only I could have seen myself drunk."
Today, for many reasons, those sentiments hit home like an arrow through my heart.
The reason?
Kids. I have four step children.
What must they think? Of me? Of me and their mam?
"Innocents abroad", as someone much cleverer than me once said. Indeed.
It is a most selfish, pernicious disease. The only disease known to mankind where the sufferer is blamed for their condition. Apart from "Sy-phill-is" as a wise man tried to tell me recently! Well, he thinks he's wise anyway!
And I, for one, hate it a lot. I hate the unpredictability of being me. It IS getting much more predictable again, and I love that.
"Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat.
Thank God, this Year, we won't have to share it with that ... fat ... drunk"
I can almost hear Daniel singing the words!
And our kids would be right to feel that. This year, anyway. What a horrible year they have had. People like us make them grow up far too quickly, and we should be ashamed. I am.
This Christmas, they deserve lots of peace, lots and lots of love, and lots of great presents. And, from a distance, it will be my privilege to try to give them all of that. They might not be able to see me, but I WILL be there.
The Ghost of Christmas Pissed!
Like Hell!!! Not anymore!!
More like - The Ghost of Great Christmas' Yet To Come.
Dear God. What a nightmare.
Take care you lot.
xxxxxxxxxxx
Friday 4 December 2009
Treating My Alcoholism
Euripides was quite an insightful chap, by all accounts. Greeks were then. Not now, have you seen their economy?
In 'The Uninvited Guest' I quote the spoof Monty Python 'Philosophers' Song' about drunk philosophers. Very funny, and probably dead right. I have expounded for years about anything and everything. No topic escaped my incisive wit! Occasionally sober, but mostly not. To be brutally honest, never really all that incisive either.
But the following quote is not fuelled by drink. Euripedes wrote:
"He is not a lover who does not love forever"
I have failed as a lover. Several times, actually. The dark prince of philosophy known as Alcoholminus saw to that. Evidently, not as wise a man as Sophocles or Euripides, but a very persuasive collector of spirits.
When, yesterday, I saw my 85 year old uncle mourning his wife of almost 60 years, I realised a lot. Their life wasn't too short. But mine might be foreshortened already. I hope not.
Euripides wrote tragedies. That is where we now part company. I'm not into tragedies any more. I've had a belly full of tragedies. And so have the ones I love with all my heart. Funerals do that to you. Well, that one did.
This is where my tragedy ends. Baclofenus, our God of sobriety and of peace, will help me. I believe in him. Just make sure he helps you too.
To Julie. How did that happen? That wasn't in the script was it? Alcohol. Dear God.
The world is a mad place. And, for us, often a bad place too. Recently, I have wanted to get off this particular ride. I'd had enough to be frank, and the last bit didn't seem worth waiting for. Now, I don't feel like that. I think that I'll stay on to the (hopefully not too bitter) end. My Aunty Edith says I must. And she was bloody scary! Best I put off meeting her again for as long as possible.
If this message means anything to you, please pass it on.
Take care, all of you.
xx
In 'The Uninvited Guest' I quote the spoof Monty Python 'Philosophers' Song' about drunk philosophers. Very funny, and probably dead right. I have expounded for years about anything and everything. No topic escaped my incisive wit! Occasionally sober, but mostly not. To be brutally honest, never really all that incisive either.
But the following quote is not fuelled by drink. Euripedes wrote:
"He is not a lover who does not love forever"
I have failed as a lover. Several times, actually. The dark prince of philosophy known as Alcoholminus saw to that. Evidently, not as wise a man as Sophocles or Euripides, but a very persuasive collector of spirits.
When, yesterday, I saw my 85 year old uncle mourning his wife of almost 60 years, I realised a lot. Their life wasn't too short. But mine might be foreshortened already. I hope not.
Euripides wrote tragedies. That is where we now part company. I'm not into tragedies any more. I've had a belly full of tragedies. And so have the ones I love with all my heart. Funerals do that to you. Well, that one did.
This is where my tragedy ends. Baclofenus, our God of sobriety and of peace, will help me. I believe in him. Just make sure he helps you too.
To Julie. How did that happen? That wasn't in the script was it? Alcohol. Dear God.
The world is a mad place. And, for us, often a bad place too. Recently, I have wanted to get off this particular ride. I'd had enough to be frank, and the last bit didn't seem worth waiting for. Now, I don't feel like that. I think that I'll stay on to the (hopefully not too bitter) end. My Aunty Edith says I must. And she was bloody scary! Best I put off meeting her again for as long as possible.
If this message means anything to you, please pass it on.
Take care, all of you.
xx
Wednesday 2 December 2009
Thank you, Peter Pan
It's about 5.30am here, and I cannot sleep. Thought I'd do this now, because I can't guarantee doing it later. I know that at least three people read this self-indulgent nonsense every day, so that's something, I guess. Hardly makes me Samuel Pepys, though, does it? Ha!
The funeral starts at midday, and to say that this extremely close family is quiet would be doing it injustice. There are lots of us, and the air is normally buzzing with chat and laughter.
Not at the moment, though.
Peter Pan is one of my favourite stories. I have often been called Peter Pan because it appears to be the received wisdom around here that I refuse to grow up.
I don't know about that. I think I've done more than my fair share of ageing over the last six months.
JM Barrie wrote the following in Peter Pan -
"To die will be an awfully big adventure"
Today of all days, I hope and pray that he is right, and that Edith has joined her beloved parents, and that they're all having the biggest and best time ever.
Wouldn't that just be awfully nice.
Thanks for listening to me.
xxxx
The funeral starts at midday, and to say that this extremely close family is quiet would be doing it injustice. There are lots of us, and the air is normally buzzing with chat and laughter.
Not at the moment, though.
Peter Pan is one of my favourite stories. I have often been called Peter Pan because it appears to be the received wisdom around here that I refuse to grow up.
I don't know about that. I think I've done more than my fair share of ageing over the last six months.
JM Barrie wrote the following in Peter Pan -
"To die will be an awfully big adventure"
Today of all days, I hope and pray that he is right, and that Edith has joined her beloved parents, and that they're all having the biggest and best time ever.
Wouldn't that just be awfully nice.
Thanks for listening to me.
xxxx
Mark Twain got it dead right
He said "Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen".
Amen to that!
But, would I want to be eighteen again? Having given it lots and lots of thought the answer is no, I wouldn't. If I had my wish, I'd be thirty again. Maybe even 35. All the "getting there" nonsense would be out of the way (qualifications, growing up a bit, just enough relationship grief to keep you on your toes). That complete trifle-filled mass that I always seemed to have between my shoulder blades would have spewed out its last eruption long ago, and my shirts would remain clean forever.
I'd have just enough experience and wisdom to make a much better go of it this time; but more than enough energy and silliness to make it worthwhile. And I'd have a bit of cash in my pocket to sort out a few things, and enjoy my life and the people in it.
And I would know not to drink. Boy, oh boy, would I know not to drink.
Armed with this armamentarium of wisdom, energy and cash, I would have the time of my life. And, this time, I'd remember it, which would be a novelty. And I know exactly who I would want to share it with. That would be bliss indeed. What a shame. What a fucked up mess of a shame.
It is said that at 50, you still get the "urge", but you can't remember what for.
The cruel irony is that I absolutely remember what for.
Take care you lot.
xx
Amen to that!
But, would I want to be eighteen again? Having given it lots and lots of thought the answer is no, I wouldn't. If I had my wish, I'd be thirty again. Maybe even 35. All the "getting there" nonsense would be out of the way (qualifications, growing up a bit, just enough relationship grief to keep you on your toes). That complete trifle-filled mass that I always seemed to have between my shoulder blades would have spewed out its last eruption long ago, and my shirts would remain clean forever.
I'd have just enough experience and wisdom to make a much better go of it this time; but more than enough energy and silliness to make it worthwhile. And I'd have a bit of cash in my pocket to sort out a few things, and enjoy my life and the people in it.
And I would know not to drink. Boy, oh boy, would I know not to drink.
Armed with this armamentarium of wisdom, energy and cash, I would have the time of my life. And, this time, I'd remember it, which would be a novelty. And I know exactly who I would want to share it with. That would be bliss indeed. What a shame. What a fucked up mess of a shame.
It is said that at 50, you still get the "urge", but you can't remember what for.
The cruel irony is that I absolutely remember what for.
Take care you lot.
xx
Tuesday 1 December 2009
A disease that dare not speak its name
I'm sat here at 2pm my time, with Rosie (one of my beautiful Yorkies) sat on my lap.
I don't know about you, but I have tried my very best throughout my life never to hurt anyone. But, because of booze, my life has been a road traffic accident.
Why are we treated even worse than drug addicts?
I don't get it, but we are.
If we can help each other to work that question out, then we will be well on our way.
There's nothing wrong with us. We are great. We just need to sort a few things .....
xx
I don't know about you, but I have tried my very best throughout my life never to hurt anyone. But, because of booze, my life has been a road traffic accident.
Why are we treated even worse than drug addicts?
I don't get it, but we are.
If we can help each other to work that question out, then we will be well on our way.
There's nothing wrong with us. We are great. We just need to sort a few things .....
xx
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