Now, here's a thought. I don't know if I've read this, or something like it, before or not.
"I would never have become a drunk, if only I could have seen myself drunk."
Today, for many reasons, those sentiments hit home like an arrow through my heart.
The reason?
Kids. I have four step children.
What must they think? Of me? Of me and their mam?
"Innocents abroad", as someone much cleverer than me once said. Indeed.
It is a most selfish, pernicious disease. The only disease known to mankind where the sufferer is blamed for their condition. Apart from "Sy-phill-is" as a wise man tried to tell me recently! Well, he thinks he's wise anyway!
And I, for one, hate it a lot. I hate the unpredictability of being me. It IS getting much more predictable again, and I love that.
"Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat.
Thank God, this Year, we won't have to share it with that ... fat ... drunk"
I can almost hear Daniel singing the words!
And our kids would be right to feel that. This year, anyway. What a horrible year they have had. People like us make them grow up far too quickly, and we should be ashamed. I am.
This Christmas, they deserve lots of peace, lots and lots of love, and lots of great presents. And, from a distance, it will be my privilege to try to give them all of that. They might not be able to see me, but I WILL be there.
The Ghost of Christmas Pissed!
Like Hell!!! Not anymore!!
More like - The Ghost of Great Christmas' Yet To Come.
Dear God. What a nightmare.
Take care you lot.
xxxxxxxxxxx
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so sad again, to hear you being down on yourself.............you need to give yourself more credit, you are helong lots...........mostly me!! MA
ReplyDeleteman,my stupid typos!! have no idea what I was trying to say,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oh well?! MA
ReplyDeleteMary Anne, you make me laugh, dont worry about it, I can work out what you are tying to say anyway.
ReplyDeleteI have often wondered if someone had taken a video of my drunken behaviour, whether it would have stopped me. I have watched other people drunk and thought that that is what I would look like. God help me.
I marvel at the way I am able to get myself undressed, dressed for bed, and fold up my clothes neatly while I am blotto. I take off my jewellery which is not easy (struggling with clasps) and put it away neatly - a bloody miracle, even though I have no recollection of it the next morning. I hate waking up those mornings, what did I do, what did I say, who did I offend.
I hate it too. The shame crushes me, yet I do it time and time again!!!!
hell, I used to just sleep w/ everything on...all rings, necklaces, clothes, just plopped myself onto the bed, that was it!! Kudos to you!!
ReplyDeletenow I love it, take it ALL off, brush my teeth, wash my face and sleep in a proper way, what a drunk I used to be!!????? Thank GOD not anyore...........EVER!!! MA